Blog Post Title OnWhen “Neutral” Isn’t Safe - Therapy, Gender, + Gaslightinge

I recently tried working with a male therapist. It cost me $780 for two 45-minute sessions that mostly felt like a drawn-out intake. But the money wasn’t the real problem (though it definitely felt excessive, certainly when looking at value gained).

The moment I knew I needed to walk away was when I expressed frustration about men (after sharing a history of trauma that included violence earlier in the session) and he replied with something like, “That’s just like when my male clients say all women are crazy.”

Let me be clear: I was expressing grief, rage, and exhaustion in a space that was supposed to be safe for that. His response? A false equivalence that flattened systemic harm into a symmetrical misunderstanding.

It wasn’t his worst offense. What really undid me was his follow-up email after I chose to leave. Instead of reflection or curiosity, I got correction. Instead of responsibility, I got pathology: “Your view of men is distorted.” He also basically told me I misremembered the session and how I felt was not accurate.

This is the bind so many women face. We’re told to “speak up” and “be vulnerable,” but when we do, our feelings are reframed as irrational, our experiences dissected for accuracy, and our pain used as evidence that we’re the problem.

That therapist wasn’t just one man. He was a mirror of a much larger pattern: the way women’s pain is constantly minimized, neutralized, and repackaged as “bias.”

And the cruelest part? We’re made to question ourselves for noticing.

I almost convinced myself I was just being avoidant. That something felt off in my first session because I was resisting being vunerable with a male therapist. That maybe I had “imagined” the disconnect. But no. My body knew. My gut knew… After session 2, I was 95% sure there was a problem, that’s when I emailed that I wouldn’t be continuing. His follow up email confirmed it for me 100% no question. My body knew session 1, it just took my brain awhile to figure it out.

I’m writing this because I know I’m not the only one. If you’ve ever left a conversation with a man and felt like the whole world flipped upside down on you for daring to name what you see, you’re not crazy.

You’re seeing clearly. It’s just that clarity comes at a cost when you’re a woman in a system that rewards denial.